Death and the Doctor
by Ben Stiebel
Summary: Dr. Who has a near death experience while Death has a near Dr. Who experience.


Death looked out at the wheat stalks that covered the fields behind his home It would be a good harvest. It usually was. The garden also did well, its black fruits and flowers separated from the wheat by a low stone wall. Even the skeletons of fish that swam in the pond looked unusually lively, or at least animated.

_Whoosh! _Death looked about curiously. The sound repeated itself. Death knew that he had nothing to worry about. His home existed in its own pocket dimension and nothing could possibly get there if he did not want it to. He also knew that he was the anthropomorphic personification of death on a flat planet that rode through space on the backs of four elephants who in turn rode on the back of a giant turtle. For him to count on anything being impossible would have been not only dangerous, but also a little hypocritical.

Something took shape inside the garden gate. Death smiled. He didn't have much choice, being a skeleton, but at the moment he meant it. A beautiful scythe and hourglass motif made up the bars of the gate. It would be a shame if something ruined it trying to get in.

The shape was blue, rectangular, and a little taller than a grown man. Death impatiently tapped his index finger bones on his scythe while he waited for the odd thing to finish appearing. When it did he saw that it was blue box about the size of a wardrobe. The words "Police Public Call Box" were written above the door.

The door opened and a blond woman stumbled out in a cloud of smoke. She was quickly followed by a thin man wearing a billowing brown coat. The man pointed something back into door. The device in his hand made a strange keening sound and the smoke lessened.

"We'll be alright," he said to the woman. "The TARDIS just needs some time to cool off."

"What happened?" the woman asked.

The man shook his head and took a deep breath. "I dunno."

Death tapped his finger on the scythe. He would have cleared his throat if he had one to clear.

The new arrivals looked at him. "Wha'?" the man said.

The woman gasped. "He's . . . he's . . ."

"DEATH," Death said. He tried to smile reassuringly, but he could never pull that one off. "YOU ARE ROSE TYLER." He turned his attention to the man. "AND YOU . . ." Death had no eyes, but he did have a blue point of light deep in each socket. The lights narrowed slightly. " . . . WOULD MOST LIKELY BE VERY GRATEFUL IF I SIMPLY CALL YOU 'DOCTOR'."

"Did you bring us here?" Rose asked. "Are we dying?"

"YOUR SHIP, YOUR TARDIS WAS ATTACKED," Death explained. "YOU WERE KNOCKED THROUGH A BREACH IN THE MULTIVERSE. YOUR SHIP WAS DAMAGED AND YOU WERE NEARLY KILLED."

The Doctor pointed the thing in his hand, a small metal device with a glowing blue tip at the nearest tree. Rose stared blankly at Death.

"YOU HAVE HAD A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE. IN THIS UNIVERSE, THAT MEANS . . "

"You have to have a near us experience," the Doctor finished.

Death nodded. "YES." He pulled an hourglass out of the folds of his black robe. The glass had several twists and kinks in it and the sand did not move in any logical pattern. "THIS IS YOUR LIFETIMER, MS. TYLER. BECAUSE YOU ARE A TIME TRAVELER THE GLASS IS TWISTED AND DIFFICULT TO READ." Death slipped the hourglass back into his robes and produced something else. If a quantum physicist had lost his mind and then tried to express his dementia through sand and glass it might have looked something like the knot work of tubes and flying sand that Death held. "TIME LORD," Death said in the tone a gardener would use to describe a particularly difficult bush.

"How can you know about our lives?" Rose asked, a hint of fear in her voice.

Death slipped the hourglass back into his robes. "YOU ARE MORTAL AND IN THIS UNIVERSE THAT MEANS THAT YOUR LIVES ARE MINE TO RECORD AND TO END."

"You said we're having a near death experience," the Doctor said. "When does it end?"

"I SAID YOU HAD A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE. IT'S OVER NOW."

"So we're going to live?" Rose said hopefully.

Death tilted his head to one side. "Not necessarily."

The Doctor squinted. "What are you?" He pointed his glowing metal device at death. "You're there, but the readings are way off. Your mass is . . ."

"INFINITE," Death said helpfully. "I AM AS REAL AS ANYTHING ELSE HERE. I AM AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION."

"Brilliant!" the Doctor said enthusiastically. "We used to get those on my home world sometimes. The people of this world must be really psychic." He looked at Rose and smiled at her puzzled expression. "If you get enough psychic people to believe in something then it comes to life."

Rose shook her head.

"THERE ARE VERY FEW PSYCHICS ON THIS WORLD, DOCTOR," Death said. "YOU HAVE STUMBLED INTO THE TERPRATUS DIMENSION."

The Doctor's jaw dropped. "Oh blimey!"

"What is it?" Rose asked.

The Doctor slipped his scanning machine into his pocket so he could gesture with both hands. "Every Dimension has a reality field. It's what separates dreams and fantasies from reality. In our universe psychics can penetrate it. Terpratus is different. Here anyone can do it."

Rose looked from the Doctor to Death and back again. "So . . . if I believe in a sock-eating goblin . . ."

Death raised his free hand in a forestalling gesture. "DON'T. LAST TIME IT TOOK MY ASSISTANT . . ."

"You've had sock-eating goblins?" the Doctor asked.

A scream came from the house behind death. "Cheeky little blighter!" a man yelled. A loud crash followed.

Death sighed, then shrugged. "IT WILL GIVE ALFRED SOMETHING TO DO I SUPPOSE."

The Doctor looked around, his eyes sparkling. "The Timelords declared this place off limits almost as soon as they discovered it."

"When was that?" Rose asked.

"IN ABOUT A HUNDRED YEARS," Death replied. "I CAN SEE INTO THE HEART OF EVERY LIVING THING. I CAN SEE THE HEART OF THE TARDIS. IT IS BEAUTIFUL, BUT IT TELLS OF THE TIME WAR. WHEN THE TIME LORDS COME HERE LOOKING FOR ALLIES I WILL SEND THEM ON THEIR WAY AND THEY WILL SEAL IT OFF. THIS DIMENSION WILL BE SPARED THE TIME WAR."

"How can you know?" Rose asked.

"CAUSE AND EFFECT ARE HUMAN CONSTRUCTIONS. TIME IS REALLY JUST A LOT OF . . " Death paused, looking for the right expression.

"Wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff," the Doctor said helpfully. "Just a big ball of it."

"YES. YOUR SHIP HAS REPAIRED ITSELF."

The Doctor looked at Rose. "We should go. We don't want to bother Mr. Death with whatever attacked us. If anything happens to him this whole universe could be damaged. Alonsy!"

Rose nodded, not quite understanding, and walked back into the Tardis. "It's been a pleasure to meet you, mate," the Doctor said with a smile.

"LIKEWISE," Death replied cordially.

The TARDIS whooshed out of existence. Death waited a moment longer. The blue box appeared again and the door opened. The Doctor poked his head out. "You wouldn't happen to know who attacked us?"

"I DID. IT WAS NOT PERSONAL. THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY TO GET YOU HERE. I HAD TO SEE THE TARDIS UP CLOSE. OTHERWISE I WOULD NOT HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THE TIME WAR AND I COULD NOT HAVE STOPPED IT FROM SPREADING TO THIS UNIVERSE."

The Doctor squinted. "Wha?"

Death grinned. "WIBBLY WOBBLY TIMEY WIMEY STUFF, DOCTOR."

The Doctor froze, half in and half out of his Tardis. "Oh,. Right."

"YOU AND MISS TYLER ARE WELSOME TO STAY FOR SUPPER," Death said. "MY ASSISTANT IS MAKING SAUSAGES. IF YOU PREFER SOMETHING LIGHTER I COULD HAVE HIM FRY UP A SALAD. HE MAKES A WONDERFUL CHICKEN GRAVY DRESSING."

"Wha'?" the doctor said. "I mean, I don't do that sort of thing. Take care, mate."


End file.
